Ever found yourself completely confused by a guy who seems totally into you and then “goes dark”, failing to return your texts? Or perhaps he says one thing with his words, but his behavior tells a different story? The differences between men and women have given birth to countless troubled relationships – and often over miscommunication that can be cleared up with a little expert insight on how to understand men.
In an effort to shed light on the male mind, we’ve rounded up expert advice from 9 of the top relationship coaches on how to understand men.
How to Understand Men – Experts Share Their #1 Tip
“To the women who have had bad relationships and say, ‘all men are the same’: What you actually mean is that all the men YOU’VE come in contact with are the same. If all your relationships have been with jerks, that doesn’t mean you’ve had lots of bad relationships. It means you’ve had ONE bad relationship LOTS OF TIMES.
This translates to something difficult to recognize: YOU are the common denominator in your unhappiness. The bottom line is simple: There are great men out there, but you need to let go of your bad patterns and attraction to the men who don’t love, respect and value you before you will be able to see them.”
– Relationship expert and bestselling author Charles J. Orlando
“Men can’t read emotional expressions on faces the way women can. He doesn’t have the same equipment. He’s not trying to be rude; he’s just not wired that way. In his brain his communication and observation centers are much different than the woman’s.
If you are unhappy about something, you have to tell him in words. He may figure out something is wrong after a while, but you have to tell him what is bothering you, in words, because he can’t read your mind.”
– Frank Wiegers, TopGunLove.com
“STOP trying to understand ‘men’. You never will, just like I won’t ever understand why it takes you so long to get ready. A better strategy is to work on expressing yourself more vulnerably. When you can share yourself in a naked unguarded way, then you give him the green light to step out of the man cave and express himself as well. This may not help you understand ‘men’, but it will connect you to that one man in front of you.”
– Obi, DudePanel.com
“If I had to pick one piece of advice, I’d tell women to not confuse men not putting enough thought into something with them not caring. Men can care and still be more oblivious and thoughtless than the average woman.”
– Joseph Rauch, contributor at TalkSpace.com (also, check out his personal blog)
“Men need to feel appreciated and acknowledged for our attempts to be the hero, the good guy. For the special woman who has smiling eyes to match her kindness and assertiveness is what we look for. Tell us your needs and wants and be kind to us when we fall short. After all, you are beautiful mysterious creatures to us and we do come from a different masculine reality.”
– Bill Wing, relationship counselor, Co-Founder of The Relationship Center of St. Louis
“My #1 tip for understanding men is… Men are aware of one thing at a time. Women are aware of everything at once. If we’re focused on something (and we usually are), we CANNOT HEAR YOU TALKING. You need to 1) get our attention, 2) make sure we’re focused on you, and then 3) give us only one request at a time that you want us to respond to. Also, if you’ve asked once, it’s not enough. You’ll probably need to make the same request four, five, or more times. Especially if you gave us vital information when we were focused elsewhere. Don’t worry – it’s just how our brains work. We are men, not aberrant women!”
– Lion Goodman, Author & Co-Founder of ConfusedAboutLove.com
“Many men are confused nowadays with regard to what it means to be a man. A shocking number of guys believe that coming off as neuter on a date is a positive thing, especially given how many sexual harassment seminars we’ve attended and much anti-man sentiment we’ve encountered. Underneath the exterior of every guy affected as such is a real man who would love to express his masculinity–usually in a respectful, virtuous manner–if he only felt comfortable doing it.”
– Scot McKay, DeserveWhatYouWant.com
“Men are inherently simple creatures. and don’t think as deeply about emotional issues as women do. If you feel like he’s not being sensitive to your feelings it’s because of this. Communicate clearly and directly to him. This is a key to relationship success.”
– Robbie Hemingway, TextingTricks.com
“If you want a truly powerful man, who can meet you in your full power, stop mothering and emasculating him.”
– Christopher John Stubbs, AscendYourLimits.com
While, on the surface, us men can seem confusing and hard-to-read to you ladies, it is important to keep in mind that we feel exactly the same way about you! However, while men and women may have totally different ways of expressing themselves, we all operate from the same fundamental emotions and desires. We all crave connection, clarity, and intimacy. Honesty, clear communication, and the willingness to allow your partner room to grow seem to be the foundations of a lasting and fulfilling relationship. Follow this advice and you will intuitively know how to understand men and build intimate and loving relationships.
Do you have any other insight (or frustration) on how to understand men? Share your experience in the comments section below!