Ladies – that guy you can’t stop thinking about and don't know what to say to him? I hate to break it to you, but you may be the last thing on his mind. Even if you’re sure he’s obsessing over all of your grade-A qualities right now, there’s a good chance that he’s not. And there may not be anything you can do about it.
You see, guys nowadays are being slowly re-programmed for instant gratification. Between Instagram, Snapchat, and the ever-ratchet Tinder, he’s got more dopamine on his hands than he knows what to do with – and that’s without having to open his wallet or stumble over a single awkward pickup line.
Relationships (including one-way “follower” relationships) that are forged on social media aren’t fully genuine. They necessarily depend on the guy fabricating ideal mental imagines of a person. In other words, it’s a fantasy. But you’re just a real person with real flaws (girls do still go to the bathroom last time I checked). So how can you compete?
The answer is, you don’t need to… but you still need to know what to say to a guy to really get his attention.
Believe it or not, there are still tons of young, strapping, man-bun-clad men out there who still favor real world relationships over digital fantasies – who are brave enough to walk up to a woman, look her in the eyes, and start a genuine conversation.
What I’ve learned is that the problem is not an under-abundance of quality guys; it’s that most women don’t know where to look! Worry no more:
In this article, I’m going to share with you the 3 winningest personality types – and where you can find ’em….
1. The Old-Fashioned Guy
He prefers cracking a good book to keeping up with celebrities, Kardashian or otherwise; he shaves using a straight razor; he always (really, always) holds the door; you know the type.
A guy who keeps it old-school is ideal relationship material because he understands that people come far before products. He is an independent thinker and has not succumbed to the instant gratification culture (or IGC) that is now so prevalent, which means he’s more likely to be interested in something long term.
Look for him at coffee shops, local concerts, poetry slams, and other eclectic events.
2. The Emotionally Mature Guy
One of the core reasons that apps like Tinder and Instagram are so popular is because they are safe emotional buffers. Technology can deliver that dopamine rush of a flirtatious exchange, without the traditionally associated social risk.
The Emotionally Mature Guy isn’t a Tinder fiend. He realizes that there is no substitution for a genuine relationship, and he knows himself well enough to be comfortable sharing his true nature with you. Being with a guy that has the strength to be vulnerable allows you to truly be yourself as well, and connect on a deeper level than you may have in the past.
Look for the Emotionally Mature Guy at a book signing, a tango class or out at a classy lounge.
3. The Disciplined Guy
Avoiding IGC (instant gratification culture, remember!?) takes a lot of self-control for us men-folk. Some of the guys most likely to avoid falling into the “scroll and like” trap are those that are focused on improving every facet of their life, be it business, physical mastery, or relationships.
Look for the disciplined guy at co-working spaces, the gym (or even a martial arts class), or Whole Foods.
4. Let Your Awesome Out
Sometimes you’ve just got to face that not everyone is as dazzlingly awesome as you. If a couple of weeks go by and you still don’t start noticing any of the above three personality types, you may have to take this dating sitch into your own hands by becoming the bright light that attracts the guy-moths.
You can do this by not letting a single god damn thing get in the way of you having a blast and excelling every day of your life. That’s all you really need to do. Then, as you meet cool people – guys and gals – warmly welcome them into the awesome habitat that you’ve created for yourself.
The more like-minded people you attract into your sphere of influence, the more likely you are to find that special guy you’re looking for. After all, you never know who is having the same thoughts as you. It could be that the guy who seems aloof or unengaged is just waiting for the chance to open up.
Or… Maybe he’s not. But even then, you’ll still have a badass life to console yourself with.
The reality is that worthwhile relationships are hard to find and even harder to maintain. With all of the temptations of modern life and the emphasis on instant gratification, pickings are as slim as they’ve ever been. Between the needy and the emotionally unavailable, there are only so many good guys to go around – but now, I hope you know how to spot them and what to say to them when you do.