Have you ever met a real-life Prince Charming who turned out to be anything but? Perhaps he swept you off of your feet instantly, only to leave you during your weakest point, the point where a commitment was needed. Why couldn’t you see this coming? Let’s take a closer look at what causes emotionally unavailable men, the top emotionally unavailable men characteristics, and finally, how to get these types of men to open up to you.
What Causes Emotionally Unavailable Men?
A simple truth about men that most guys would like to keep hidden away is the fact that they have the same emotional makeup women. Because of societal and other pressures, however, these same men have repressed their emotions from shining through. Why are some guys willing to put in so much work denying their true emotions and sabotaging potentially fulfilling relationships? Let’s take a look at the top 3 causes of emotionally unavailable men to find out why.
1) Other Priorities
Ever heard the phrase “I’m focusing on work right now”? Occasionally, there may be a grain of truth to it. However, this statement is usually a straight-up lie – a feeble effort to dodge having a serious discussion about relationships. After all, if he’s genuinely emotionally stable and he’s interested in you, he’ll be willing to devote at least a few days a week to seeing you, even at the expense of giving up overtime hours.
Let’s be honest – we have a lot of control over or schedule. Guys that choose to have a crammed schedule all the time may simply be afraid of making time for something like a relationship. If he’s using work as an excuse to dodge a serious conversation, then you’re witnessing one of the emotionally unavailable man characteristics firsthand, which we’ll talk about in section two.
2) Peer Pressure
Often times, men will actually prefer to be seen as unattached and aloof. The traditional societal approach to masculinity is as long-standing as it is troubling, but that is another story altogether. This mentality often means that there is tremendous pressure on all men to try and act as a smooth operator, playing it cool and relaxed at all times. Essentially, emotional vulnerability is thought to be a sign of weakness for many men. This perception, as unfortunate as it may be, causes men to feel as though committing and showing a close intimacy to one woman would lead to rejection or ridicule amongst their peers.
3) Past Experiences
In many cases, a traumatic experience in a man’s past may have caused him to be wary of future commitments. This may be in the form of a particularly devastating breakup or worse. After these extremely trying times, it is common for people to build up a strong emotional “outer wall”, so as to prevent the events from repeating themselves. Like women, men will usually build these walls only to see if anyone cares enough to knock them down, whether they will admit it or not.
Regardless of what you may have been led to believe, there is no real way to change a man that is emotionally unavailable. With that being said, there are certain ways to improve the odds of him “opening up” to you once more, something we will cover in the last section of this article.
First, let’s take a look at the top 7 emotionally unavailable men characteristics, so you can learn to spot one in the wild [wink!]
The 7 Emotionally Unavailable Men Characteristics
While it is often incredibly difficult to spot an emotionally unavailable man at first glance, there are several dead giveaways that you can clue into to help. Here are a few of them.
1) He’s Full of Excuses
We all know this type of person well. These men have excuses for every wrongdoing in the book, and worse still; they are often adept at making you believe that you are the issue, instead of them. These types of men will avoid discussions about the future of the relationship, and will sometimes even walk away from the conversation outright if the issue is pressed upon them, a clear but effective manipulation technique. The words “I’m sorry” are not in this type of man’s dictionary.
2) He Avoids Confrontation
If you ever are able to get an emotionally unavailable man to sit down and talk with you, he may simply try and completely lie to you to diffuse the situation. He will also dodge questions and choose his words very carefully when discussing the nature of your relationship with strangers, friends, and even you. If a man exhibits any of these signs, it is likely that he is simply unable or unwilling to take on the responsibility of being in an actual relationship at this stage of his life.
3) He’s Too Clingy
While this may seem a bit counter-intuitive, the truth is that a man who is constantly checking in with you, dropping by unannounced and always second-guessing your affection isn’t quite the emotional openness you should be striving for. In fact, it tends to mean that he is quite emotionally unstable. If this is the case, then he is of committing to a mature relationship – no matter how much he says he “needs” you.
4) He’s Hot and Cold
Have you ever met a man who seemed to be in love with you one moment, and completely distant from you the next? This is a classic telltale sign of an emotionally unavailable man. These types of men do truly enjoy your company but are afraid that they are becoming too close. As a result, they will usually pull back on the reigns, and hard. You have to keep a careful and vigilant watch over these signs, as they may be an early indication that he isn’t relationship material quite yet.
5) He’s Sex-Obsessed
Sex is a vital part of any healthy relationship. However, if your relationship with a man is dominated by physical acts of attraction, it may be a sign that a man can be available to you only physically, and not emotionally. Oscar Wilde famously said, “Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.” We at Discovering Romance aren’t that cynical. However, if physicality is all your man is interested in, then he just might agree with Mr. Wilde. To him, sex to him might be more about feeling powerful than about genuine connection. If you’ve been seeing each other for more than a month and sex is still all you ever talk about or do with each other, you may have all of the signs that you need.
6) He’s Got a “Grass Is Greener” Mentality
If you are out with a man, and he always seems distant or not “present” in the moment, take a second to consider why this might be the case. Do you feel as though he is simply waiting to upgrade from you to a girl he considers more attractive? Many closed-off men behave in this way, always searching for the next thing, instead of focusing on what is in front of them.
If this is the case, don’t let it get you down. It’s his issue, not yours, and it doesn’t say anything about you. In fact, it’s just an indicator that he is constantly dissatisfied with the moment. Guys like this could win the lottery and still find something to complain about the very same day.
7) He’s Just a D!ck
Occasionally a guy can simply be a raging dick. This is one of the biggest emotionally unavailable men characteristics.
Pay attention to how he behaves around other people (and animals for that matter). Is he kind to the checkers at the supermarket? What about when he’s out with friends? These types of questions will help you to determine exactly who you are committing yourself to before you actually do so. Who knows, you might actually be saving yourself quite a bit of heartache and stress in the process!
Emotionally unavailable men are the way that they are for a variety of reasons. For some, they may have been involved in a traumatic relationship or experience that has since turned them off to the notion of being committed again. For others, they simply don’t have the time to dedicate to a healthy and rewarding relationship.
Whatever their reasons may be, if you find yourself involved with one of these men, hope is not all lost. Use the information above as a guideline to help feel him out, and with any luck, you will be able to work through the issues together, coming out even stronger in the end. And if not, then that will just have to be all right. Letting someone go can be an excruciatingly difficult thing to do, but do so knowing that you will find someone out there who shares your passion and openness for intimacy.
It’s only a matter of time.